His comment was, “I didn’t really know my daughter until I read what was on her computer.” This particular father’s daughter was found dead in Virginia last month. She was 18 and a freshman in College. He thought he knew her and her friends. But after viewing her emails, web log and web sites, he saw a different person. The Internet has given today’s young people an alternative to expression and communication. Unfortunately, for a lot of parents they are clueless about this venue.
I have been interested in the internet and it’s affect on our youth for some time, the comment from this father motivated me to do further research. As I delved deeper into web sites, chat rooms and instant messaging, I began to see both positive and negative aspects of the web. I think it would benefit parents to know both sides so they can be aware of what the possibilities are.
My daughter, who is now 17 years old, was in middle school when she discovered chat rooms. We began noticing she was spending more time sitting at the computer than interacting with our family, so I started asking questions. I would go sit beside her at the computer and say “what are you doing?” Of course she would frown and say “nothing.”
Begrudgingly, she began letting me observe some of the conversations.
Chat rooms are a way for people to email each other in a group around common topics. There is a language code that is used to simplify the conversations. LOL (laugh out loud) and PPOS (parent peering over shoulder) are just a few examples. Knowing the language helps in understanding what’s going on. A negative to chat rooms is when people aren’t honest about who they are. There is no way to tell who you are really talking with.
Instant messaging is another way of communicating. It is a little different from chat rooms, because a buddy list is set up for chatting, which mostly consist of friends. I can remember one time when my daughter was logged on to her instant messaging. She left to go take and shower and forgot to log off. So being the private eye mom that I am, I began chatting a little with her friends, pretending to be her. I thought I was so smart, but I found it to be all harmless chatting. I did confess to her what I did. She wasn’t too happy with me. But she now tells me who she is chatting with and is open to letting me observe.
Recently, I discovered a couple of sites called Myspace.com and Facebook.com. These are web sites which let young people post pictures, chat with friends and express themselves through poetry or journaling. My daughter showed me her site on Myspace.com. She had a picture of herself, a couple of pictures of her friends and a profile she had filled out about herself. I wanted to learn more about this site, but found I had to be logged in to search around and view other profiles. So I went to Myspace.com and signed up.
To sign up, I had to give my e-mail address, birth date and town I live in. Once posted I noticed I came up as a 50-year-old woman from Carthage, so needless to say, I immediately went back and edited my profile which now reflects me as Lola, who is 17 and from Hawaii. Although I was glad I could do my snooping, incognito, it did worry me some that it was so easy to change my identity. Myspace.com is supposedly monitored by its founder Tom. He doesn’t allow profanity or nudity. Thanks, Tom.
The positive aspect of Myspace.com is it allows people to express themselves. It was interesting to see what pictures were posted and what kids had to say about who they are.
The negative is when people pose themselves as somebody they aren’t (oops). But once you have a profile set up, the only way to allow someone else to be on your friends space is by your own permission.
Karen Wicker is a family and consumer science agent with Moore and Montgomery County Cooperative Extension. She is a North Carolina Certified Parenting Educator.
