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Jun 1, 2006
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Jun 1, 2006
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| Online Phonebook | Sandhills Guide | Business News | National News |
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By Yvonne Gale: Special to The Pilot The tragedy of bullying was blasted into the public's psyche with the killing of 15-year-old Christopher David Penley in Florida this past January.
SWAT teams are supposedly used for dire situations such as terrorist attacks or to prevent the random murder of innocent civilians, but it was a SWAT team member who shot Penley as he waved a realistic-looking pellet gun at a sheriff's deputy. The sheriff stated that the young man was obviously distraught and suicidal, because he repeatedly said that he was going to die. Family and friends were quoted as saying that Penley was emotionally troubled, reportedly bullied at school, and had run away from home several times. Bullying is a dire situation for victims; it leaves them feeling emotionally devastated and helpless. Imagine getting up every morning knowing that you were going to be teased, taunted, shoved, hit, isolated, and humiliated. Your possessions are taken or thrown around, and you have to give your tormentor money on a daily basis. The relentlessness of bullying puts the victim in a state of constant fear. Psychologists say that suicide becomes a way for victims of bullying to get away from their pain; suicides due to bullying are called bullycides. Bullying Online receives up to three e-mails a day from children who are either suicidal now or have been in the past. Some of these pupils are receiving psychiatric or psychological help or counseling. So, what is a bully? A bully is "someone who hurts another person on purpose by using abusive words, by excluding others, or by using physical threats of violence." Anyone can be a bully. This includes adults, friends, strangers, and siblings. Most people believe that males predominately bully other males, but girls are very guilty of bullying by spreading rumors or gossip to punish and isolate someone from a group. The national bestseller, "Odd Girl Out: The Hidden Culture of Aggression in Girls," by Rachel Simmons, describes the "psychological warfare" of backstabbing, jealousy, and phoniness directed toward Vanessa, who goes from a well-liked girl to becoming a victim of bullying. Vanessa starts out as a smart, well-adjusted teen. She is best friends with Stacy Larson, the most popular girl in school. Stacy has her eye on Tony, the school heartthrob, but Tony becomes interested in Vanessa. Vanessa finds herself the target of public ridicule and nasty rumors spread by Stacy and her posse. Bullying is very much a part of our culture and literature. Look at "Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer." He was bullied by name-calling and exclusion. "All of the other reindeer used to laugh and call him names, they never let poor Rudolph join in any reindeer games." It was Santa Claus who made Rudolph's red nose an asset, not a liability. Then there's Lucy who is constantly bullying Charlie Brown by calling him names and taking advantage of him. Of course, let's not forget the Capital One ads on television. One young man is constantly being subjected to physical battering because he is made the scapegoat by the man in charge, none other than David Spader. These ads are supposed to be funny, but let's look at what these ads are really suggesting: It is easy to take advantage of someone who is vulnerable, innocent, and unsuspecting, and to entertain people at the expense of someone else's humiliation. The bully, Spader, gets satisfaction from making his victim look stupid, ineffective and ridiculous. Bullying can even take place in the safety of a child's home with cyber-bullying. Cyberbullying is sending or posting harmful or cruel text or images using the Internet or other digital communication devices. Some examples of cyberbullying are sending cruel and sometimes threatening messages, creating Web sites that ridicule others, and breaking into an e-mail account and sending vicious or embarrassing material to others. Some children will appeal to their parents for help with bullying, but other children suffer silently. Parents should be alert to signs of bullying such as the child being quiet and withdrawn, insomnia, anxiety, possessions always being lost, trying to avoid going to school or outside the home. So what should a parent do if a child shares that he or she is being bullied or if a parent suspects the child is being bullied? First, it is important to get as much information as possible. Calmly ask questions such as who is doing the bullying, when is the bullying taking place, such as between classes or on the playground, when did it start, is it getting worse, what forms of bullying are being acted out? Make sure to explore and validate the child's feelings by reassuring him or her that it is not his or her fault. Try to approach school officials calmly. Remember, the school may not have been aware that your child is being bullied. Schools must be notified of bullying incidents, then they have a legal and moral responsibility to take action to protect your child. Because of the negative publicity associated with bullying such as the Columbine shootings in April 20, 1999, schools are generally taking their responsibilities about bullying very seriously. All state schools are supposed to have bullying policies by law. Parents have a right to ask for a copy of their child's school policy. After consulting the policy, follow the procedure outlined for making complaints and demand that your complaints be handled as the policy mandates. If you feel that your complaints have not been dealt with as the policy mandates, then proceed to appeal to a higher authority, such as the school board. Be sure to take careful notes about any meetings concerning bullying incidents. Write down dates, people met with, what assurances you are given about protecting your child from future incidents, and what action is going to be taken against the perpetrator. Taking legal action should be a last resort, because it is usually a long and unpleasant battle. There is no prospect of success unless parents have ample evidence of physical or mental harm, backed up with letters to and from the school and comprehensive medical reports. These battles attract enormous media interest that exposes the child's school life. The child and his or her parents re-live the ordeal in public and sometimes are blamed for the bad publicity that the school system receives due to the lawsuit. Parents should always take their child's pleas and comments about bullying seriously. Again, validate the child's feelings, investigate what is going on and by whom, and try to work with the school to halt the bullying. Reassure the child that he or she is never to blame for the bullying. Provide as many positive outlets as possible to comfort the child and to help build up his or her self-esteem such as encouraging the child to participate in activities with friends and family members. Yvonne Gale is with Friend to Friend, a domestic violence and sexual assault crisis agency in Moore County. Friend to Friend is a United Way Agency; its phone number is 947-3333. Questions or comments can be sent to Yvonne at ygale2 @nc.rr.com |
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