This week I've been wondering how I could buy my way into a Nextel Cup race, so I haven't had time to sit down and plan out a column or write one.

I haven't come up with a good plan -- or the money -- to get into a race, so basically, I have wasted the better part of my week, and you, my faithful followers (that joke never gets old), have to suffer through as I clear my brain of the random musings that I have been able to put into a semi-coherent form for your reading pleasure.

Enjoy.

I apologize in advance.

Taking a Dive: When was the last time that not one, but two, NASCAR competitors got hurt in separate stage-diving incidents in less than a week?

Before the All-Star race two weeks ago, a member of Ryan Newman's pit crew, Trent Cherry, in full pimp regalia went stage diving during crew introductions at Lowe's Motor Speedway. The fans who were supposed to catch him parted like the Red Sea, and Cherry went shoulder first into the front stretch pavement.

I'm sure his parents are very proud of him.

Not to be outdone, Elliott Sadler decided to upstage, or upstage dive, Cherry. Last Friday at the Speed Streets celebration in Charlotte, Sadler took a tumble while trying to dive off the Speed Channel's Trackside Live stage. Sadler slipped on a wet spot and hit a barrier instead of the waiting crowd.

Here's my suggestion: fine 'em. That's got to be an action detrimental to stock car racing because the pure dissemination of this story makes people think that everyone involved with stock car racing is a flaming moron.

Buyer Beware: Michael Waltrip has 262 consecutive starts in Cup racing -- with an asterisk. After failing to qualify for last Sunday's Coca-Cola 600, Waltrip bought Derrick Cope's entry, put the NAPA decals on it and promptly drove it to a 41st-place finish.

I remember Darrell doing the same thing about six years ago.

Waltrip said he wanted to make sure that NAPA got its exposure during the marquee event. It sure did get exposure -- Kirk Shelmerdine-style.

There wasn't another car around him that far back in the pack for most of the race.

This is a NASCAR rule that needs to be changed because that has to be the cheapest, most low-brow way to go racing.

And if I could do it, I would.

How About Being a Closer?: Roger Clemens is returning to pitch for the Astros for $3.5 million a month.

The deal is contingent upon Michael Waltrip not buying his spot in Houston's rotation.

Not Fade Away: Inspired by Clemens' third un-retirement, Darrell Waltrip has decided he wants to go racing.

Again.

He will drive little brother Michael's Busch Series car at Martinsville on July 22, the 47th time he has un-retired.

I don't care if Clemens wants to pitch again or Waltrip wants to race again, just quit lying to me and telling me that you are done.

Bus(c)h League: Kyle Busch was fined $50,000 and docked 25 points for actions detrimental to stock car racing for weakly throwing his HANS device at Casey Mears' car last Sunday night at Lowe's Motor Speedway. It was the most pathetic heave I have ever seen from a world-class athlete such as Busch (I know, I can't believe I wrote that last phrase either).

I would say he throws like a little girl, but that would be highly offensive to little girls.

It would have been much better -- and by better I mean funnier -- had he just pulled out his wallet and started throwing money on the track.

Or by pitching a temper tantrum on the front stretch grass, not unlike my 1-year-old.

You know he's got it in him.