If the male of the species had any sense, heÕd just stop wearing these death chokers once the thermometer began climbing into 90s. But for those of us with desk jobs, decorum and workplace etiquette demand that we don the things.
ItÕs part of the uniform. Employers expect it.
So we need a little help. The kind of help the General Assembly could readily provide.
Some enterprising legislator would surely make a name for himself or herself with a bill banning neckties. It could be entitled ÒAn Act to Improve the Health, Safety and Comfort of the Men of North Carolina.Ó (Grand titles are one way to make sure bills get passed.)
Just think of all the positive publicity the legislator would receive. What man who had trudged through an August day, gasping for breath because of that strand of cloth squeezed around the neck, would ever vote against said legislator?
Proposing tax cuts. Filing crime-fighting legislation. Turning down PAC contributions. None of it would hold a candle to the splash made by a necktie ban.
Think this is an exaggeration?
Well, for many years the late Hal Plonk, longtime mayor of Goldsboro, issued a proclamation each summer extolling the virtues of going sans tie and urging men throughout the town to join him in rebellion against workplace fashion.
Plonk enjoyed 22 years in the job. His anti-tie crusade and string of election victories obviously are no coincidence. If he had simultaneously urged women to shed their heels in favor of flip flops, PlonkÕs election totals surely would have been unanimous.
Of course, nothing is ever so easy in the North Carolina legislature.
Propose a necktie ban, and someone would speak out in opposition.
The lobbyists for the retail merchants, worried that department stores and clothiers might suffer a financial setback, would work to derail the bill. The state Commerce Department, concerned that a workforce without neckties could create perceptions of a state unfriendly to business, would maneuver to add loopholes. Suddenly we would learn about North CarolinaÕs unknown and under-appreciated silk farming industry.
The battle would rage, the special interests verses Joe White Collar. House Speaker Jim Black, in a display of sympathy for the common man, would rescind the rule requiring men to wear ties and coats on the House floor. The Senate, backing the merchants, would pass a tax holiday on neckties.
The distorted attack ads would follow: ÒLegislator John Doe wants to rip the clothes off your back. He voted 12 times to do exactly that. ThatÕs right. Twelve Times. Vote Mike Buck.Ó
Some confused voters would begin to equate neckties with mom, apple pie, truth and justice.
On second thought, perhaps getting the legislature involved is a bad idea.
October isnÕt far off.
Scott Mooneyham writes for Capitol Press Association.
